Well I did it I managed my first run!
3 whole miles of pure hell! So let me set the scene…..I have been ill since New Year’s Day not a little ill but a lot ill. I definitely have man flu! You know that serious condition which is like a heavy cold but obviously miles worse! I have been so poorly and the last thing I wanted to do was run, but I had committed to do it so decided I would suck it up and just do it. I mean how hard could it be?? People run all the time right??? Yes super-duper people who have extraordinary powers!! Talking of super-duper people let me introduce you to my friend (I use that term loosely) Tom! Tom is the male equivalent of Mary Poppins – he is practically perfect in every way!! He is like a proper runner and a member of St Bees Triers running club, but until Monday I hadn’t realised quite how professional he was.
So there I am stood outside Banna Court in my gym training gear. In the distance I see something shining brightly and moving at an astounding rate. It is illuminated and almost blinding with it beam and that’s when I hear it. “Are you ready EJ?” I mean are you for real, he was head to toe in proper running gear had on a high vis vest and a head torch! Really??? Who wears head torches – I thought they were just for miners!! He looked at me as if to say “What are you wearing” and asked me if I had a hi vis vest and head torch. When I had finished laughing I told him that of course I didn’t. He looked shocked at my naivety and handed me a hi vis to borrow and advised that we would have to stick to Westlakes due to my inability to prepare sufficiently. (I think I may have been told off). He also gave me a present, now to me it looked like a piece of material and I didn’t want to sound ungrateful but I had to ask what an earth it was for. Tom jumped into his sales pitch. “It’s a buff you can use it as a neckerchief, headband, wristband, hairband, balaclava, scarf, hat, bandana so many options.” I couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm for this piece of material which is actually now going to be a necessity on every single run I do – like a lucky charm.
Now I was kitted out it was time to start the run. Tom promised it would only be a short run, just 3 times round the park – that is 3 whole miles hardly short. I did express by concerns but Tom seems to have a fantastic skill of ignoring my moans and doing it anyway. So off we started me running at my absolute fastest with Tom only just breaking a jog. My first observation was the fact that I can’t breathe when I run which means I can’t talk. This was very fortunate because if I could talk, then I would have been moaning the whole time. However I did manage regular swear words. Which brings me to my second observation – I think I have running Tourette’s. I literally could not control the language coming out of my mouth. Tom must have very thick skin the amount I swore at him. The third observation which was quickly identified, was the fact that running in a thong is not a good idea. I have never had such cold bum cheeks in my life!
Lap 1 was ok – when I say ok I mean I absolutely hated it but I just about managed it. Lap 2 was hell and this was when I decided that I hated Tom, especially when I asked really nicely if that could be our last lap and he told me in no uncertain terms that it definitely wouldn’t be and I had to keep going. He didn’t even let me have a rest. By lap 3 I had realised that I had given new meaning to “green sleeves”. Obviously having “man flu” and being full of green snot and running my only option was to use my sleeve. – OMG I am so glamorous, such a lady, a real keeper!
So as we were running Tom did a lot of talking – obviously because I couldn’t and he was trying to distract me. He told me that he didn’t want to train me just for one event and as such he felt I should do the Cockermouth 10k on 17th March. My first reaction was to swear at him and my second was to laugh. I absolutely do not want to do the Cockermouth 10k! I don’t think Tom understands how much I not only hate running but I am rubbish at it and I hate being rubbish at things. I then reminded myself why I was doing this in the first place and that is to raise money for Calderwood House, so here’s my commitment if I raise £100 by the end of the month I will do it! If I raise £200 I will make sure Tom does it in fancy dress! Nothing like sharing the love. Here is a link for you to sponsor me:
https://www.goldengiving.com/fundraising/emma-jayne-gooch-gnr-2019
When the run was over I literally collapsed on the floor and was like a complete drama queen. Tom looked at me and although his words said “Well done EJ you did great” his eyes said “FFS you have only run 3 miles you need to get your shit together.
Until next time…..
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